"Light My Fire"

I watched a movie that I absolutely loved, and I wanted to write something based on the idea. The movie that I am using as a "prompt" is Mr. Nobody. I know it sounds obscure, but that it is because the concepts in the movie actually are. From this originality, beauty is born, and I became deeply affected. Though there are several parts that have made an impact on me, I can only choose one to work off of in this blog, so I chose this particular quote:

"Urgh, you're still here? Did I fall asleep? Sometimes I don't sleep so I think... I think about how it was... and all I have left. What do you see when you look at me? A grumpy old man who never answers questions? Who mixes everything up? Who's kept busy by getting his meals? That's not me. Me... I wear shorts. I'm nine years old. I can run faster than the train. I can't feel my aching back anymore. I'm fifteen. I'm fifteen and I'm in love. "


I loved this after I heard it. I couldn't believe how beautiful this idea was. I know it may seem common to some, but I had never viewed it like that. After I heard this quote, I began thinking. Who am I? This is a universal question that I personally believe will never be answered. However, as I step into adolescence, I am discovering to a small extent of who I truly am. I am not the one who my parents had originally confided in, trusting that I will see it only their way and know that they are right in all things. I am not the sister who remains pure and forgets all past transgressions of my siblings. I am not the geeky girl at school who has to be before everyone else, or defined as the absolute "smartest in her class." I am not the friend who subsides to the will of others, hoping that they won't turn on me in the end. No.
 I am five years old, watching Little Bear and drinking coffee with my mom, admiring her for her beauty and strength. I am not seventeen and tainted with the perception of others...she is my mother, and in her do I place the deepest of trust. I am the five year old who constantly wants to hug her hero, the one who to this day has never let her down.
 I am seven and just learning how to truly evaluate the actions of others rather than succumbing to the social norms. I am learning the cruelest lesson of life, we all fall down sometimes. 
I am ten and am learning to simply express myself and not worry about what I am "supposed to be doing." I laugh freely, I write all the time, and I find the beauty in every person I cross because I wish they would do the same for me. 
I am twelve and am learning what going through puberty means, vulnerable yet excited to really live. I am looking at my sister and am in awe of her profundity, aghast at how people could think her anything less than magnificent. I am taking the first step away from my mother and am teaching myself the lessons of the world through movies. I am thirteen and am in a place I don't understand, but revel in the mystery. I express myself through words and music, stuck in an elated state of Hans Zimmer and my flute. I am willing to trust anything and anyone, so long as there is a smile in their eyes.
 I am fourteen and am crying over the loss of the two best friends I have had practically all my life. I learned the great lesson of closing off, preserving the very most inner workings of my heart. I am vowing over and over again that I will never open up to anyone again until I know that I can trust them, until I am sure that they will love me no matter what.
 I am sixteen and am terrified of doctors and weight complications. I am seeing the effects that old age may have and am desperate to become close to my family before I lose any of them to the will of God. God. I am sixteen and am struggling with how to define my faith in a world where no one seems to have an answer. I am sixteen, and I am in love. My dearest friend has revealed to me an irrevocable and infinite possibility to see  the good in everything I do. From her I have learned that hope is a necessity. I am learning that all the songs and stories are true to the extent of what we know it. The world has seemed to stop, and I have created my own with the one I choose. I am opening up, and though it is the most frightening thing I have been challenged to do, I am a new Sadina, a better one.
I am seventeen and am frightened about college, frightened about what it means to have a serious relationship, frightened of the relationship I am losing with my family, frightened about maturing and the obligations that come with it. I am seventeen and am excited for what is to come, excited about what I am capable of, and excited to show my family and loved ones how much their support and company has affected me. I no longer have to be the best. I just have to be me, and I know that's enough for everyone, especially me. 
I am Sadina the Wryter. Filled with an adventurous spirit, an ability to love with all of my heart, incredible passion, and a mind ready to open up to what the world has to offer, I am determined to understand that which I do not, and for the first time in my life, I truly believe in myself. I am Sadina Brott. I am who I am, and the perceptions of others will not alter that. 


Thanks for reading, and remember to keep writing!