I know I said I'd come back. I bet they're all shaking their heads at you, saying that they told you. I won't say I'm sorry for that, because I'm really not. You knew I wasn't strong enough. I know, you hate me, you hate my weakness. I guess I hate me too a little. I thought I could stay; I thought maybe you were enough. I really wanted you to be enough. I did love you. I suppose that means nothing now though. I can't even write this letter without adding "I" to each sentence. Do you see now? I told you, I need to take of me, and I here I am, writing about myself saying it's time for me to go. I hope you're happy with me gone. I hope you finally write your book, make your father proud, and sing a little more. Finish that painting you've been working on, but this time, paint with all reds instead of the blue that I suggested. You've always looked best in blue, but I know your color is red. Just go with it. Be you. Goodbye, Robby.
Rae.
Rae reread her letter. She read again. Once more. There was so much she still wanted to say, but she held it back, knowing that it would nothing to benefit him. What was the point of this letter even? Only half of it really said what she wanted. Of course she meant every word, but there was so much she wanted to explain, to say to him, just to let him know what he's done, how many years he wasted in anger about trivial and meaningless things. Five years from now, would those fights even have mattered? Were they worth the grudges and the constant reminding of each other's flaws. She wished she hadn't have pointed out every one of his flaws whenever they fought. She wished he hadn't have brought up all of her past "sins" whenever she opened her mouth. She wished she would have understand when he said someone was pretty, he just thought they were pretty and that was the end. She was his girl, and nothing meant more to him. She wish she would have recognized that she was his prize, that she was all that mattered in the scheme of things, that each compliment he offered out to other people was to make them smile as he brightened the world a little, absorbing the beauty that life had to offer. She wished she had seen some of that beauty too, and when she finally did, she wished she didn't resent it for not being created by or because of her. She wished, oh she wished.
Rae reread her letter one last time, looking for something that would say any of this. Disgust rose in her throat, overcoming her mindset and blocking all compassion for the situation. She couldn't stand where she was right now. Overweight, bitter, never saying what she's thinking, angry at her family, ready to move on with life and cut all old connections. She had become that typical teenager in the poorly written ABC Family segments that she'd always hated. Even this revelation seemed cliche to her. In a way, she was happy for Robby and his chance to get away from her, all the emotional damage that she's packed and set carelessly on his shoulders the more they understood each other. She shouldn't have asked him to do all of that for her.She demanded too much, so when he fell short in her eyes, what else should she have expected?
Rae licked the envelope, sealing the letter that would free them both from all of this. No, it wouldn't, but Rae knew that. She looked at her alarm clock, which was eagerly beeping to wake her up for school. After tucking the letter into her backpack, she got into the shower, not stopping in front of the mirror before stepping in.
That's all I have for now! Thanks for reading, and remember to keep writing!
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